Positive Time Out

The phrase "time out" often carries a negative connotation when it comes to discipline, mainly because it has been associated with punitive measures and adult-dictated durations. However, at St. James, we’ve reimagined time outs as opportunities for emotional growth. In our early childhood classrooms, we have created calming spaces, such as the Quiet Cube and Peace Table, designed to help children regulate their emotions and process conflicts. These areas give children the space to cool down or resolve issues through conversation.

Students are taught to use these spaces when they feel the need and to return once they feel ready. These "protected" areas empower children to recognize when they’re becoming overwhelmed (as we discussed in our October issue, the "flipped-lid" concept) and to practice self-regulation. Creating a similar calming space at home can reinforce this sense of empowerment.

To get started, sit down with your child and explain, “Sometimes we feel upset and need time to calm down—just like a time out in sports.” Ask them what kind of items or tools would help them feel calm. Make a list together and gather those things. Next, brainstorm some spots in your home where they could create their calm-down space. Choose a spot together and, for fun, let your child name it.

Once the space is ready, practice using it. Model using the calm-down area yourself. Pay attention to when your child seems agitated and gently suggest, “Would it help to take a break in your feel-good space? Would you like me to join you?” If they prefer to go alone, say, “That’s fine! I think I’ll take a break, too.” Early on, you might need to guide them by practicing calming techniques, like deep breathing, focusing on a timer, or holding a comforting object like a favorite stuffed animal.

Remember, this space is not only for moments of anger. It’s just as useful when your child feels sad or tired. You may also want to read stories like Ahn's Anger by Gail Silver to help your child understand the value of sitting with their emotions and calming down.